I remember the felling which came up for me from all those people who told me how one should do this and you NEED do that.This was chris wakeford feelings in his early years and No I didn’t like them.Most of my lessons where predicated on being made to feel small and from shut down as i always felt like there were few explanations about the WHY? Those same inspiration in growing up then I ironically I see as being very present in much of the world today which come from the many people who want people to focus on compliance and meeting what often are the needs of others. I rarely took too many of my mentors seriously which is why I guess I was in shut down for so long.2 I resisted waking up from my internal resistance in being a free thinker as Mr Richard’s complemented me on one day at age 16,although I could not hear it then based on my inner view of the world inside.You see I was scared.Mr Richards in fact was deep thinking man him self who I now can see was committed to seeing potential in people rather than upholding the system of being like every body else.he questioned thinks in class which I used to laugh at then although deep down i knew he resonated of some thing which intuitively felt right.I did not know then what intuition was as I had forgotten.I still have a 3 page letter from him to my parents which I don’t think they really understood as it was quite philosophical and came from a man who be very much in touch with his feelings.To be fair to my parents who I love very much (despite our not seeing eye to eye then) I feel few people in the 70s and 80s in my very middle class neighborhood were NOT very self expressed or even knew what being authentic really was.Mr Richard’s said that i had a fine mind which had the hall marks of genius which my parents did not agree with and laughed.This further compounded my limited view of the world then and for some time as i really felt maybe Im just a misfit.I was.
This was my very limited view of the world which was yes, based on fear and my very low self esteem I carried in my veil each day for many years.I was scared period.I felt most of lessons where fake and so where the people so maybe that explains why I then decided to become a fake myself. I found myself with out knowing it becoming what I had most resisted as I slowly started becoming compliant and politically correct.The reason for this is that as part of getting my needs met I learnt (THOUGHT) that I had to mimic so why not mimic others which i did.In fact was very good at it and started getting my way in getting what I wanted.mainly girls and money.
Yes I was mr looking good and at times it kinda felt like I was getting some where in life with the trappings of so called ‘peer success’ as i call it now.At the same time I always felt empty inside and used to hit lapses of low energy inside.I then started using props like parties and girls.I was good at this and got better and better at covering up my deep inner loss attached to my inauthentic inner self me.Unbeknown to me my multiple sexual partners served me as anesthesia over 20 years on what I felt was a quest for the prefect girl who could serve me up what I really wanted which lay asleep inside me.In fact I became quite good at the act and almost convinced my self that I was on a mission to indeed find what I most wanted and could not find.I was a hide and seeker master chess player.
Today I am on a new mission as open up like a onion peeling back my layers and layers of complexity and nonsense as i start to express who I really am. Im 1000% clear and passionate about the inner me making a difference in the world and cant think of anythink I would rather do.I have found my cause in inspiring and teaching people to consider the benefits of personal transformation .As master player in self deception and delusion and feel I am well qualified to help people to open themselves up to the benefits of becoming real and in getting what they want in inside and on the outside.I am here to serve as wake up agent to the universe teaching people to unlearn to learn and in understanding what true wealth really means from the original translation of wealth.
Weal originally meant a inner sense of wellbeing……I feel this is my future to serve.